Rethinking the 'I'm Sorry' Culture

Please, I’m sorry.

That sucks, sorry.

I feel sorry for them.

Awe, sorry.

Yikes, sorry.

I’m so sorry that happened.

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

The words ‘I’m sorry,’ although supposedly coming from endearment, frequently troubles me. Similar to most of the English language, the word has formed a relationship with laziness. It is the word murmured, spit, and rolled off our tongues without conscious thought.

For many, we have the basic average human senses to know when something is wrong. When we say things we shouldn't, when we act out of character, or when those around us do, we are able to judge based on other individuals' facial expressions or body language, and we have come to note typical behavioral patterns.

You know when you make a not-so-funny joke to a friend, and their face immediately scorns or frowns? Or in the classroom, the class clown sits quietly to themselves, not speaking. When you take the train after work, the person sitting in front of you has their face in their hands, elbows to the knees, and you can hear their deep sighs; you know they had a shit day.

Whether a loved one or a stranger, we often take the initiative and ask what’s wrong.

Our keen senses turn us into loving, brave soldiers answering the beckoning calls of distress. With our heads held high and our chests puffed forward, we pull out our shiny silver swords and ask the sorrowed individual how they are doing. We did it; we showed empathy, dammit. They let out their issues, begin flowing out a release of what’s bothering them, and start to feel consolation action as they are finally gauging in a conversation that hopefully provides comfort or understanding.

They are speaking from within, and there you are, trailing off, feeling profoundly empowered from the action you took for that individual; you are polishing that shiny untarnished sword and admiring your perceptive abilities.

Finally, they are done speaking,

“Awe yeah damn, that sucks, I’m sorry.”

All of us have been both points of view, courageous knights and sorrowful individuals. But when you are the one that feels down, and you can’t help but show your emotions in a public setting, that bullshit knight desperately sucks. From the point of view of the saddened individual, I am always left speechless, unheard, or with the feeling that is best represented by an “Okay???” wondering why the hell they just asked how I was doing, especially if they were just going to say that they're sorry and nothing else.

Taking the responsibility of trying to comfort someone is a brave act, but it should not be done for your own ego boost. Similar to the beliefs of karma, you can not intend to do good so you feel better about yourself. Taking the leap and asking about another's well-being, only half to listen or give the lazy “I’m sorry” response, does not help them, but only your own ego. We all want to be mindful of courageous knights coming to the rescue when a fellow is down, but you must consider the actual effort you are willing to put in.

When you feel the words spill out of your mouth, ask yourself why. Why are you sorry?

Do you pity them? Are you actually feeling their pain? Do you understand and feel it yourself, so it's surfacing emotions? Are you uncomfortable? Do you just not know what to say at the moment? Shocked, perhaps? Do you want the conversation to end? Do you think what they are saying is wrong? Or do you not actually care?

Why do the words, I’m sorry, play such a huge role in our dialect when it is often not how we feel? The conditioning in our society has allowed us not to be able to focus on one issue, or on one person, for 30 seconds.

Most often than not, ‘I’m sorry’ is an easy escape. Eventually, the conversation we didn’t actually want to have is over, and we can go on about our own issues, our own thoughts, and our own day; even better, our batteries are now full with the boosting of the ego we just received from showcasing the most basic form of caring giving us a jump start energy boost to worry about ourselves. True heroes, we have become with easy access to the words “I'm sorry.” True heroes (and actors), we are able to embody with the quick ability to whip out the words to almost any situation we need be. We don't need any of the Marvel squad because we have the two ultimate power words that seem to solve every issue known to man!

Bump into someone? I’m sorry. You’re so considerate!

Being a bully and getting caught or called out? Sorry, I didn’t mean it. Man, I mean, now they know must really know you didn’t actually believe what you said!

Cheat but not mean it? Sorry, it won’t happen again. Totally a one-time thing. Of course, it won’t!

Did someone just share something unfathomable with you? Awe, sorry. Well, now they must feel alleviated, nice!

This feels like a giant rant, and I guess it kind of is, but the words “I'm sorry” feel like an out-of-touch opt-out for the one thing we all have in common, which is feeling. Having complex emotions that change within seconds and sometimes not even understanding what's going on inside our minds and bodies. In some cases, it's necessary; I'm not saying we shouldn't ever say sorry; sometimes, it's the only appropriate response we can give. However, I believe we can be and do better by connecting with friends, family, and even strangers by taking the initiative of having more to say.

‘I’m sorry’ is causing a disconnect between us, a quick shutdown to the possibility of learning from each other and strengthening the emotions we all have inside us.

Why only say ‘im sorry.’?

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