The Biggest Lesson My Special Needs Brother Taught Me

I’m up at night scrolling on my phone with slight disgust. Daily, I'm left in a state of perplexity with humankind. As I watch so many people act selfishly, without thought of anyone around them. I see the representation of our political leaders being vile and greedy. But what makes me put the phone down are the thousands of comments from those who still defend their behavior. I often don’t know if I feel sick to my stomach or meet pity. How terrifying it must be to be inside their minds, a house of mirrors. So disoriented, they can only project those hysterical reflections.

Then I wonder why we're all so different? Why can so many people not care about others ' well-being? I believe many of us today are up at night with those same questions. Why would I not only cross oceans and climb mountains, or bleed for people whom I have just met? How egotistical some might say, a wannabe martyr. And when I wrote ‘Why am I so different?’ I immediately deleted it. I saw the flooding of comments and mocking echoes of ‘Pick me behavior.’ 

But you know what? A big ole F* that.

I stop and help strangers. I smile as I walk. And when I'm in my own head, walking all sulky, I do feel regret that I didn't pick up my head and try to give a smile.  I do tend to give my all to brand new friends. I always say yes, I do whatever they want. I am trying to achieve huge and scary entertainment writing career goals, and going live on TikTok? Guess what? Not entirely for myself but for my friends and family. I want to support those closest to me. I want to give them my money, my energy, my soul, and I like it. I love being what has now been labeled as a 'Pick me, People Pleaser,' an emotional little miss who tries too hard. Because that’s what matters. 

Community and Kindness matter. And somehow that got lost; it gets ridiculed, and we keep pushing this narrative of a lone wolf, being tough as nails, suppressing those emotions, and locking in for the sake of succession. A man's way. A way that has led to too much failure.

So, let me tell you what a real man, my brother, has taught me.

I grew up being the youngest sister, and my older brother, Michael, has Williams Syndrome, also nicknamed the kindness or happy disorder. Individuals with Williams Syndrome are known to be extremely loving towards strangers; they love treating anyone and everyone with empathy, respect, and talking up a storm.

What Is Williams Syndrome?

My brother falls perfectly in that category. I would watch my big brother, meet my new friends, and hold their hands immedietely after meeting them. I saw him greet giant bouldered men with bearish beards and say he likes their look. Once, ge grabbed a random lady's hand to go down the escalator, simply because he was scared. I saw him in the Bahamas talking to the locals with no concern for their accents, in disbelief because I didn't understand, but he did.

I would watch this fella move through life with love and openness, no fear attached to the social anxieties of strangers' possible cruelty. He walks in his own world, smiling, and buzzing, like a bee, he would say (vocal stimming caused by happiness). He’d buzz along, sometimes flapping his arms, and I, as a child, would watch too many people stare with what I perceived as judgment. They would stare at him, and I would watch my mother stare at them right back, making sure no one hurt my beautiful brother, and I would always watch everyone's emotions play out. It always only lasted at most 30 seconds, but still, I couldn’t help but see everyone's faces. The most important one being Michaels; his face always smiling with excitement of being surrounded by new people, “How many new friends will I meet Today?” 

A few years ago, I wrote in response to a writing prompt suggested by Brené Brown in one of her Unlocking Us podcast episodes, asking you to share your superpower. I wrote about the skill I have of being hyperaware of everyone's emotions. I can walk into a room and, within seconds, know who isn’t happy. I received that gift because I grew up being protective of my family, not wanting any improper emotions to rise from unknown newcomers always staring at us, no matter where we went. I learned very early on that you can never be too sure. I thought it was a superpower always to have my guard up, to be cautious. Ultimately, I feared the unknown attitudes of people who I thought were constantly judging not only my brother, but me. And maybe they were, we will never truly know. What I know now, though, is that my actual superpower was the gift that I ignored for far too long, that Michael was teaching me all along. 

To let go and to be kind. 

We can all learn from Michael’s Philosophy:

• Embrace the people connected to the ones we love, and to dive right in with an open heart.

• Walk up to someone and throw them a compliment just because you genuinely feel it in your heart. 

• Trust someone to help you. 

• Talk to anyone, and do not worry about any possible boundary. 

Michael Cupidro, my big, brave, and beautiful brother, is the purest embodiment of love. Don’t be fooled, though; he can see wrongdoers and knows those who do not represent love. He will give anyone a chance, but he is watching what is going on right now and knows damn well what evil is. I started off by mentioning the current state of the world and how politically we are seeing violence and hatred spread. Michael sees it too. Regularly, my family has conversations about the disappointment we feel as people follow those who create harm. Thus, no more than ever, is a time to share Mike's way and rebuild on what will fill the holes in our hearts. Remember kindness ripples.

My big brother taught me the biggest lesson of this lifetime: the importance of falling in love with strangers. Everything I am today comes from the moment those self-judging, worry-filled glasses shattered, allowing me to see clearly for the first time. I finally recognized all the blessings that were right in front of me, including the advantages of my upbringing and the wisdom shared by my eldest sibling. He instilled in me the value of walking through life with kindness—of loving freely and openly, believing that those around us will return that love. Now, more than ever, we need community; we need each other. But that connection cannot happen until we embrace life like my very special brother does.

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