The Bestseller 'The Courage to Be Disliked' Needs to be Renamed

The Courage to Be Disliked is one of those books that people either love and appreciate or sincerely hate with a fiery passion that gets the fingers zooming. Written by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga and grounded in Alfred Adler's psychology, the book has amassed a cult following, especially among those grappling with questions of identity, purpose, and self-worth.

And yet, despite its bestseller status, I believe it needs a new name.

Not because the title is bad. It's bold, provocative, and speaks to the book’s core message. Spoiler alert: The core message was that you don't need universal approval; you can live the life you want to live. But in today’s social and political climate, especially amid conversations around mental health, trauma, and masculinity, the name doesn’t do the book justice. It invites controversy before curiosity, and that’s a disservice to what the book actually offers.

In an era where young men are increasingly vocal about loneliness, disconnection, and lack of purpose, The Courage to Be Disliked can become a guidebook for rethinking life’s meaning. The book explores how our past does not define us, how we can break free from the need for validation, and how our inferiority complexes can crush or propel us. These ideas resonate deeply at a time when the "male loneliness epidemic" is dominating headlines.

Yet, many critics argue the book feels out of touch with real-world hardship. Some say it reads like a pipe dream, asking us to change our perception while ignoring systemic and structural realities. Others took issue with its treatment of trauma, feeling it shifts blame onto the victim. And you know what? I get that.

But this isn’t self-help fluff. It’s a theory, Adlerian psychology. A framework for how we can live, not a perfect description of how we do. It’s not about ignoring trauma but asking: how can we move forward without being trapped by it? That’s a deeply uncomfortable question. But maybe that’s the point…

I’d argue we’re worse off because we don’t make room for discomfort anymore. As readers, we’re quick to rate one-star reviews if something doesn’t align 100% with our worldview. We’re allergic to nuance. And yet, what Adler teaches, especially his take on reward, punishment, and moral responsibility, could not be more relevant today.

He warns that when we raise people using only external motivators like punishment or praise, we create individuals who act without an internal moral compass. Just scroll through your feed. You’ll see this play out in digital behaviour, for example, trolling, clout-chasing, and performative activism. Adler’s theory explains this with precision.

We do not walk in order to compete with someone. The one who boasts does so only out of a feeling of inferiority.

What we can take away from this book is the invitation to reflect on how we’re showing up in the world.

So yes, the book is flawed in parts. It’s not for everyone. It shouldn’t be applied blindly to every aspect of life. But what it does offer is clarity, empowerment, and a push to live intentionally, which is sorely needed right now.

And maybe that’s why the title should evolve. Not to soften the message, but to make space for the possibility that a book can challenge us and still be good. That we don’t have to love or hate something entirely. It's okay to sit in the grey area, taking what helps and leaving what doesn’t.

We need more messages like that. We need more books like this.

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What would you rename it if you’ve read the book, or even just this post? Drop your thoughts in the comments

My ideas below:

1. The Fight of Your Life

2. Own Your Mind

3. Build Yourself - Not Your Image

4. How to Be Alone

5. Rewriting Your Story