Are Dreams Being Crushed in America?

In the past decade, we have been in an absolute 'GO' mode, living in a society fueled by speed and the pressure to over-perform, all in pursuit of creating profitable results. We've grown up in a world where we construct our identities around our careers. For instance, a personal example of mine is when we were told to choose and color our college flag as early as the third grade. Or do we face the traditional question ingrained from the very beginning of what we want to be when we grow up, essentially referring to our expected profession?

When posed with this question in kindergarten, as part of a class activity where we each contributed to a book our teacher gave to our parents, I enthusiastically declared that I wanted to be a zookeeper. Meanwhile, my classmates expressed aspirations ranging from becoming teachers and artists to one ambitious soul aiming to be a Lego builder. Reflecting on this now, it strikes me that our childhood dreams were likely rooted in genuine interests and passions.

Years later, I'm in high school. It's clear how early our perceptions of success start to shape. The idea of enjoyment is stripped away and replaced by realistic, ideal, and parent-pleasing careers: advertisers, politicians, lawyers, and accountants. Dream careers indeed.

It's a narrative about the Lego builders, the artists, and those who were once joy-filled kids with imaginative ideas, only to see them gradually shaped by realistic fundamentals ingrained in our minds from an early age. In the United States, we start selecting our college paths at the ripe age of 8 and ponder careers at 6, all the while the curriculum often neglects exposure to diverse cultures and languages. Why learn the beauties of other countries, languages, food, and love when we can start making what job we want our main goal in life? 

All in all, it’s the change that has happened in the last ten to twenty years: the adapted, fast-paced environment where work is urgent and necessary for fulfillment—the new age of survival. Take a look at some rather sad pulls from Hubstaff:

• 48% of workers call themselves “workaholics”

• 66% skip one meal per day due to working hours

• 60% of US workers say they don’t have boundaries between work responsibilities and life

• The US is ranked 53rd out of 60 on a global list of countries for work-life balance

While there are many insights regarding work-life balance in America, I believe many share similar sentiments to mine on the subject. Thus, the statistics presented by Hubstaff may not come as a surprise. The data reflects a prevailing awareness and perhaps even firsthand experiences of the challenges many face in balancing professional commitments with personal life.

The maddening idea about this all is that life is so beautiful; it's all around us all the time, the beauty, and yet many don’t care to embrace it anymore; we are so lost in a facade of society's rules that we forget more than we remember the beauty of the naturalness around us. Then you sit there in the muck, the dread of continuous patterns that haunt us, and you notice a minute detail of the way the sun is shining and its real warmth, the way water sparkles or all of its colliding shades, or the texture of the plants and trees. And then, well then, your eyes widen, your thoughts clear, and you either laugh, sigh, or cry at the ridiculousness of what our part of the world has turned us into. 

To be…

The spirling thoughts roll in shortly after that.

To be…

What do you do? How do you break the pattern? Can you really do anything else? What’s more important is stability, like a house one day? What if this is just a phase, and you mess it all up?

To be…

That's been my most significant lesson so far in my twenties, post-graduation from undergrad, and working in media. I've realized that I simply want to be. I'm uninterested in the hustle of advertising, the corporate chaos of urgency, or the artificial rules aimed at securing a future home. I prefer to dramatize life's simple gifts in my thoughts, enjoying them privately and perhaps sharing that comfort with friends and family. I aspire to be a person who can smile at flowers, embrace warmth, and savor the flavors of food and those who create it. Rather than dwelling on job stress or quirks with loved ones, I aim to be in love with what surrounds us – the way the wind dances with the trees and grass, the couples strolling, friends gossiping and giggling, and just the essence of time leaving its mark on the many crevasses of the space around us. 

Admittedly, in recent months, I halted my writing endeavors due to work-related stress and the weight of looming decisions about my future. As I grappled with these challenges, a persistent restlessness gnawed at me, fueled by the absence of writing in my daily routine. It pained me to realize that I was failing to pursue my aspirations. During this period, my focus shifted towards navigating work transitions, juggling time between reading, baking, cooking, and cherishing moments with friends in Los Angeles.

It took me a while to summon the confidence to resume writing and sharing my thoughts again. However, I now view these past few months through a different lens—a trial that ultimately served as a stepping stone. I found myself slipping into old yet natural routines. Initially, I held negativity towards this break, questioning how I could abandon my dreams after taking initial steps. The intense cultural narrative ingrained in me emphasized the need for relentless dedication and unwavering commitment to 'the grind.'

Yet, I've come to realize that not every deviation from the expected path is a misstep. In fact, what we perceive as 'wrong decisions' often contain valuable lessons. The true issue lies not in the decisions themselves but rather in the mindset guiding them. I kept blaming my corporate job and societal rules, which do have an impact, but the biggest issue was ditching the idea of hustle.

This country is fueled by pushing past the limits of work so that we can all be better. There are many who would argue that only the tough and dedicated make it ('it' being money and success). But then there lies the argument of who is happiest! You see, I had a few months of what I thought was not grinding, what I thought was ignoring, but I was focusing my efforts, that good old American work ethic fuel, on other important parts of my life. And I don’t want to take that away. I was happy during those months: I traveled, I was with friends and family, read many books, baked and cooked new recipes, watched movies, and danced with friends. And I can sit there and be upset with myself for not making the extra extra time to pursue my dreams and drive myself to this idea of perfection.

This realization marked a turning point in my mindset. I came to understand that these activities hold significance in my life and deserve time and energy. Far from being mere 'distractions,' they constitute essential aspects of my identity. Each pursuit contributes to my overall sense of fulfillment and happiness, enriching my life in ways that exceed conventional notions of success. 

We could technically give 100% of our fuel to one element of our lives. I’m sure many successful people will say that it is the key. But I also don’t think that drives the happiest results—at least for me. I want to unfold the idea of perfection and 100% dedication to one goal. One goal, a dream, doesn’t make the eternity of one person. So why do we feel the need to tell each other it’s the key to success?  In a society that values work above all else, we need to reconsider the importance of balance and well-being alongside professional achievements. True success lies in finding harmony between our ambitions and the richness of life beyond work. And a change of mindset is the first initial step.

With all that being said, I guess my answer to the big question of whether America is crushing our dreams is simply no.  We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and I think that can stem from our education system; I do think there are changes that need to happen there, but overall, I think the real issue is our own crafted idea of perfection and following one too many people thinking that since they did it that way, then that's how I need to do it.

Perhaps it's time to reevaluate our definition of success and chart our unique course, prioritizing fulfillment and authenticity over external validation in corporate chaos.

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